Blindsided

by Carrol

14 years ago I briefly got involved with a married man, he was sweet and seemed to like me a lot. Truth be told, I wasn't really even into him initially, but I was trying to break away from a bad situation at the time, and I did love his personality. Shorty afterwards I broke all contact and became a devoted Christian...

Fast forward...I was lonely and depressed, disillusioned, he came back into my life after 13 years. I expressed to him how I would never want to do anything to hurt him or his family. He played on my weaknesses, gave me something I hadn't had in many years...attention from a man. He made me feel special and loved, and I began to trust him. He bombarded me with attention and overwhelmed me so much. He put pressure on me and bullied me into getting involved with him...he turned my world upside down, I learned he was a serial cheater, obsessive and abusive.

We were up and down back and forth. The arguments, name calling and mind games, never in my life had I experienced such craziness. He gave his other woman my address and a picture of my car, he got into a relationship with my friend behind my back, I still have no idea how because I never introduced them. When he thought I was seeing someone else, he became furious and hurt...all of this while married.

I explained to him that my conscience bothered me about the situation and he insisted that we remain friends forever. This man isolated me, controlled me and made me nervous, but I couldn't break away. My friend told me I developed Stockholm syndrome. After he discarded me for my friend, he has been hoovering me in ever since.

I've been no contact for 3 weeks now... this is the longest I've gone without communication with him. He betrayed me with a betrayal like no other, loved me with a love I've never had, hated me with a hate only enemies possess. He became my god, I feared losing him, believing the mask was real.

I was in shock to learn of all the relationships he was juggling while being supposedly happily and devotedly married - home every night before 8 and 11 on the weekends.

He tried to get me pregnant, although claiming he would never do anything to cause a divorce.

I'm grieving over the loss of my wasted love, in shock of the betrayal of being stabbed in the back and chest at the same time by two covert/somatic narcissists. And they sit back and slander me together, revel in revealing my deepest secrets to one another, and bask in the joy of my pain and humiliation.

I never intended to get involved with him, or allow any of the things I did...never underestimate a narcissist's ability to change your mind, your life, your personality, your health, your sanity and your bank account balance - all for the worst.