Not "the one"

by Not "the one"
(Texas)

I was a single mother, newly separated but - still attached to what I now know - was a narcissist.

I met the new NARC, where I worked and we instantly hit it off. I am funny and sarcastic and have a cool laid back vibe about me. According to the NARC I was so very different from the closed-minded, sheltered wife he was growing tired of.

We began as friends, but soon realized we were very attracted to each other and we shared our horror stories about our partners. I see now that he was just lining up his next source of narcissistic supply--me.

I came to resent his wife for not "treating him as he deserved" and soon we were both divorcing our now exes. I thought he left her, but it turns out she left him, and this is significant because he will NEVER leave physically (and he is never there emotionally).

We had a passionate sex life but a tumultuous first few years. He encouraged me to confide my past to him (and it was pretty wild and he is conservative when it comes to how he thinks women should behave) - which turned out to be a grave mistake because he later used that to continuously punish me for years to come.

I hated myself. I was so ashamed of how he made me feel--like a low-life--that I spent the next 12 years trying to prove myself to him. I was submissive and took what I could get, but nothing was ever given to me without a price. I was constantly criticized and gaslighted and there were many times when I thought I was going crazy.

The last five years of our relationship was sexless, but he convinced me it was his anti-anxiety medication that had made it so. I suspect now that there were other women along the way.

What I lived while with that man was not a life. I was so depleted for so many years that I didn't think I could make it on my own, despite being an educated, professional woman with two degrees. I owned NOTHING because everything was in his name even though I also contributed to the household.

Once I accepted that he NEVER loved me, I began to make an exit plan. The universe knew it was time to open up the gates and let me out of this hell.

I still struggle to fully comprehend what happened to me. Just now, almost a year after our break up I am beginning to piece together the correct narrative. He is a predator, he is incapable of love, he has no empathy. I see this so clearly now which is why I finally went no-contact and blocked him.

This isn't easy, I am addicted to him.

He has someone "new", although I suspect he had her cued up for a while, and I struggle with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, but then I remember that I am free and she is just another not "the one".